Love Me When I Hurt You
by BeautifulSurgeryx
Summary: Derek and Meredith had a big fight. Now Meredith is pushing him away. Can he fix what he broke before it's to late?
1. The Fight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy…if only I did…**

**Ok so this is my new fanfic. I'm kind of scared to post this since I don't know if I like it or not xD This chapter is kind of short and it focuses more on the setting, but future chapters will actually involve them talking, so bear with me. Please tell me what you think. **

The house was filled with rage and anger. Meredith and Derek had gotten into a big fight. Currently Derek is in the kitchen slamming every door and drawer he could get his million dollar hands on. As Derek slammed things and cursed as he slammed his fingers, Meredith sat out on the porch, sobbing. She tried to keep it down so she wouldn't anger her raging husband anymore. Then her mind jumped back to the topic. Her parents. This fight was about her parents. Derek's words haunt her…

"Why do you shut me out Meredith?"

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

And the question that hurt her most of all…

"Do you even love me anymore, Meredith?"

Another sob escaped her lips as she sat on the hammock and shook. She finally gave up and let her sobs be heard. Back in the kitchen, Derek had given up as well. He stood by the open freezer as he held his battered hand on a tub of ice cream. Then he heard it. The cries that came from his love. He did this to her. He knew how sensitive Meredith was about her family. What's worse is that he questioned her love for him.

Guilt rushed through him as he heard his wife cry. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, but he knew she would push him away. Soon Derek gave up and went out to Meredith. What he saw before him ripped his heart. Meredith was lying on the hammock, clutching a pillow, asleep. She cried herself to sleep, something she never did.

A sound filled the air, but it wasn't her normal soft snores that lifted Derek's heart, but soft cries that sunk it. He felt like crying, like beating himself up more than he already has. This was his wife, his one true love, how could he be so insensitive, how could he be so stupid.

He felt like he hurt her just like Thatcher and Ellis did, if not worse. He was soon knocked out of his thoughts as another round of cries came from his sleeping wife. He knew that look, the look on her face. It was happening, she was having a nightmare. This always happens when her family is mentioned, but this time he started it.

Derek felt it getting colder, and Meredith only wore one of his shirts and a pair of shorts. After weighing his risks, Derek picked Meredith up and carried her to their bedroom. He gently put her down as she still cried and trembled. He laid down on his side of the bed and looked at her.

Then, as if nothing ever happened, Meredith moved back, so her back was against his chest. Also, as if by magic, she stopped crying and her soft snores filled the air. She felt alone, that's why she cried. Derek knew they would talk about it later, but he was glad he could help her with the pain he caused.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, and felt relieved when she took his hand in hers and held onto him. Yet still feeling ashamed, he joined his wife in a solid sleep.

**Please tell me what you think. I will try to update weekly, but we will see how that one plays out :) **


	2. Can You Let Me Back In

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy…because if I did, then there would be ****a****lot **** more MerDer **

**So here is the next chapter. But I have a problem…I don't know where to take this story :( so while you're reading, please think of what you would like to see happen in future chapters. Please let me know, I'm open to any ideas xD **

Meredith woke at 6:30, a little late for their normal 5:15 wakeup call. But that didn't matter much since they both had the day off. She looked around, but didn't move…something was wrong…but what? They had the day off, Derek was asleep next to her, his arm was around her…wait…his arm…it's there, but it's not as tight as it usually was.

Then it all came back to her, all of last night happenings made her breath catch in her throat. A chill went through her, causing Derek to wake up. When he looked over at Meredith, she looked like she saw a ghost. She was wide eyed, staring straight ahead.

"Meredith" Derek whispered

"Don't, Der, just don't" Meredith answered, obviously fighting back the tears.

"Mer…I'm…I…" Derek rambled as he searched for the right words to win the love of his life back, something he never though he would have to do…well more like do again.

"Der, please" Meredith whimpered

"Just. Let. Go." She pleaded. Derek let go of her waist and sat up. He looked over at Meredith, who was crying properly now. Words could not describe how guilty and regretful he felt.

"Meredith" Derek said as he tried to wipe the tears that streamed down her face, but she pushed him away.

"I don't know what came over me, Mer, I really don't" He continued

"Well whatever the hell did, it came over u pretty damn well" Meredith cried as she got off the bed and sank into the chair by their big bedroom window.

"You know how I feel about my family. You've known for so long, from when we first met, and you yelled at me for it." She sobbed as she started to yell herself.

"And better yet, you asked me if I still love you? What was that, Derek, what was that…" She cringed as she said her last sentence to him.

"Meredith, I don't know, it's killing me to see you like this, and worse, to know that I cause it. I'm so beyond sorry, Meredith, and I love you more then you can ever imagine. You have every right to be mad at me, and I know that this will be around for a long time, but I hope that you can eventually forgive me, and let me back in."

At this point, Derek was on the verge of crying himself. Meredith went speechless, she stopped her crying and just looked at him. The way he spoke, and the fact that he was about to cry, told her that he really was truly sorry.

"Derek, I know you're sorry, but get that this is really hard for me, and to have you, of all people, yell at me for something you knew" Meredith sobbed, repeating her current memories to herself as she swayed back and forth, like a twisted person.

Derek couldn't take it anymore, he had to hold her, even if she was to push him away. Derek gets up and slowly makes his way over to Meredith's side. As if he called it, she put her hands in front of her, and literally pushed him away. But Derek didn't seem care.

He managed to get her arms out of the way and was able to grab her. Meredith resisted the whole time. Derek picked her up and placed her on his hip, and carried her to the bed, yet she fought him like a kid being carried, well more like dragged, out of a toy store. He sat down on the bed and moved her so she was sitting on his lap, with her legs around his waist, facing him.

He held onto her to the best of her ability, but eventually Meredith gave in and sunk into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around his upper waist, nuzzled her face into his neck, and let it all go.

It hurt Derek to see her cry, and to feel her shake, but he was helping her get rid of the pain he caused her, pain that could have been avoided if he just kept quiet.

Derek and Meredith sat in that embrace for a long time. Meredith was still crying into his neck, but didn't seem to want to let go, even though she was still mad at him. She will never stop loving him, no matter what he does.

"Derek" Meredith eventually whispered

"Yes Mer" Derek answered

"I love you" she said, almost inaudibly. Soon Derek noticed that she had fallen asleep in his arms.

"I love you too, Meredith" he whispered into her ear. He felt her tighten her grip on him, and that's how he knew she heard him.

**What did you think? What should I do? I want to make Derek prove to her that he really is sorry…any ideas? So please leave a few reviews with any ideas you may have. Reviews are love :) Thanks **


	3. Tell Me Why You Cry

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Grey's Anatomy…I only own the plot :) **

**First off I'd like to thank ****Dan Gagrica**** for the review. It gave me a few ideas so let's see if I can make it work xD**

**This chapter takes place just a few hours later from where the last one left off…enjoy xD **

Derek woke about 3 hours later, not even aware that he ended up falling asleep. He looked over to find Meredith tucked up in his arms, exactly how they were. She looked so peaceful, so calm, and so happy. Derek didn't have the heart to move her, but it was 8:30, and he felt like it was time for breakfast.

He gently slid out of bed, and replaced himself with a pillow. Meredith stirred, but to Derek's delight, she clutched onto the pillow and settled again. Derek went down to the kitchen and started making their breakfast.

He was just about done making the pancakes when he heard Meredith moving. He Knew that she was probably looking for him, so he turned off the stove and went back upstairs. When he walked back into their bedroom he expected to see Meredith up and about, but he was wrong.

Meredith was still asleep, still holding onto the pillow, but she was also calling for him. Derek watched as Meredith was quietly calling his name, as if she was dreaming that he's gone. Derek figured that she could probably sense that he was no longer next to her, and decided to comfort her, like always.

He walked over to Meredith's side and knelt down next to her. He brushed a few strands hair out of the way and whispered in her ear.

"Mer, baby, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere"

Meredith's eyes fluttered open as she stared at the pillow in Derek's place. She can hear his voice, but she couldn't see him. At first she thought she was going crazy, that she was hearing things, but then she felt Derek's soft breaths brush up the back of her neck. She immediately relaxed and turned around.

"Derek? Why are you over here?" She asked, slightly confused

"Because I got up to make breakfast, but then I heard you moving so I came back up" He answered with his relaxed and comforting McDreamy smile. Meredith gave him a weak smile, but it quickly faded.

"Derek" she said quietly

"What is it baby? Are you ok?" He answered, seeing her saddened expression and hearing the tone of her voice

"I think we need to talk" She said as she sat up and made room for Derek on her side of the bed

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked as he got back into bed and snuggled up next to Meredith

"About what happened yesterday" She looked into his eyes, seeing fear and guilt swirling around in them, as she fought back her own tears

"Ok, we can talk, but only if you're ready" Derek said as her caressed her cheek

"Derek, I know we have talked about this before, but there is something I never told you" She began as she started playing with the string of Derek's pajama pants. Derek decided that it would be best if he just kept quiet and let her vent…he could talk later.

"I went to see Thatcher not too long ago. I was actually stupid enough to think that if I show up at his house, we could manage some kind of low level relationship." She continued

"How could I be so unbelievably stupid" she muttered whilst shaking her head

"You went to see him?" Derek asked while wondering why she never mentioned this before

"Yea" Meredith simply answered

"What did he say to you, Meredith?" Derek asked, gently coaxing her on

"Not much. He didn't say much. He took one look at me and a closed door followed soon after

"He shut you out?" Derek said in true shock and disbelief

"Yea, but it turns out that there's more. It just so happens that he has a 'wonderful' family" Meredith said as Derek wrapped his arm around her

"Mer…I'm so sorry" He said as he kissed the top of her head

"It seems that he has 2 daughters now, and they are both in their 20's" She said as she snuggled further into Derek's embrace

"So that means that he got his new family not long after he left you, doesn't it" Meredith could only nod in response. Derek felt his temperature rising. How could he do this to her? How could he do this more than once?

"Why didn't you tell me this before, Mer? I could have helped you if you told me." Derek told her in a concerned voice

"I know you would have, Der, but this was something I had to do on my own" Meredith said

"Meredith, last night, when you came home, you were different, but different in the way that only happened when your family was involved. So I guess I wanted to know, so I could protect you, but I ended up hurting you more" Derek said with a noticeable hint of guilt in his voice

"But if you said this happened a while ago, then why the sudden freak out?" He pressed as Meredith took a deep breath before answering him

"Do you know that new intern, Lexie?" She asked

"Yea, what about her?" Derek asked as he didn't really know what else to say

"Well that's her, that's one of Thatcher's daughters" Meredith continued, now on the verge of crying again

"She's your half sister?" Derek guessed, and again, Meredith just nodded

"She started talking to me today, obviously not knowing who I am, and she started telling me how wonderful Thatcher was to them, only reminding me how horrible he was to me" At this point Meredith let a few tears roll down her cheek

"Oh Mer…I'm so sorry baby" Derek said as he pulled her into his lap and cradled her

"Did you tell her who you are?" He asked

"No, I don't know if I want her to know. I think that if she finds out, she'll try to be all sisterly and I don't think I can take that from her" Meredith whimpered as she spoke

"I understand Mer, but she will find out eventually" Derek warned

"I know, but I don't know how to tell her" she said

"Why don't we just let it be and see where it goes, things will work out on their own" Derek remarked

"Yea, I guess that will be best" Meredith said as she looked into his eyes

"I just wish there was a way I could help you forget about Thatcher and Lexie, and make it up to you for yesterday" Derek said as he too looked into his lover's eyes

"Oh I think there's one way" Meredith said as she moved to straddle his lap, and they shared a smile that they only reserve for each other

"I'm glad I can help" Derek grinned as he sealed it with a kiss

**Okaii so as always plz plz plz review! I don't know if I will continue this story or not…I'll just go by the reviews…if enough people want me to continue then I will xD reviews are love :) **


	4. Lexie Knows

**Disclaimer: Sadly I still don't own Grey's Anatomy ):**

**Okaii well I got a lot of reviews and PMs asking me to continue this story. I'm sorry for the really late update but high school has been kicking my butt lately and I've been having internet problems. But now I'm back…with a new chapter xD Okaii well imma stop talking and let you move on to the story…Enjoy!**

The alarm sounded at 5:15 the next morning. Meredith and Derek were still entangled in each other's sleeping arms, exhausted from their late night festivities. Like always, neither of them wanted to move from their spot

"Turn it off" Meredith soon whined, not wanting to listen to the blare anymore. Derek reached over her and slapped the alarm and then instantly wrapped his arm back around Meredith's waist and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck

"I don't wanna get up" Meredith pouted, just like a little 5 year old, causing a small laugh to come from Derek's buried face

"Then let's not" Derek answered. Meredith could feel him smiling against her bare neck

"As much as I'd love to continue last night's marathon, we have to get to work" Meredith sighed as she kissed him gently, still replaying everything from the previous night in her head

"Well we still have to shower, don't we?" Derek said in a questioning tone, earning a raised eyebrow and a smile from Meredith as she followed him into the bathroom

20 wonderful minutes later they are both dressed and ready to go. They get into the car and drove to the ferry. They parked their car and went up to the viewing deck. Derek sat down in their usual spot and pulled Meredith onto his lap as they snuggle up together, not caring who was around them

"The view gets more and more amazing everyday" Meredith commented as she gazed out onto the waters that she literally sees everyday for the past god knows how many years

"Sure is" was all Derek managed to reply. He was so in love with this moment...beautiful view in front of him…fresh, clean air around him…and an amazing woman in his arms…everything was just perfect

"I think today will be a good day" Meredith said as the ferry docked and they walked down to their car and drove the short trip to the hospital…as always

For the most part, Meredith was right. They got to work, did their rounds, had a few consults, and performed a few surgeries. Everything was going nice and smooth, but I was a little too good for a normal day

"There is a multi-car pileup coming in!" shouted Dr. Bailey as she ran down to the ambulance bay. Meredith was already waiting for the ambulance with her interns. Soon she was joined by Derek and eventually by Christina, who came with her interns. Not like Meredith noticed at that point and time, but one of Christina's interns just happened to be Lexie. Bailey put her gown on and got the clipboard just as the ambulances began to arrive. She looked around for someone to take the first case

"Grey!" Bailey shouted

"Yes!" both Meredith and Lexie shouted back. Meredith's head whipped around when she heard another voice answer her call. She looked to see Lexie standing there, staring at Bailey and back at her, shocked. Meredith didn't know what to do or what to say…her cover was blown…Lexie now knew who she really was

"Oh god…are you…your…you're not…" Lexie rambled as she tried to piece everything together. She never knew who Meredith was, heck she didn't even know her name, she just knew her as Dr. Shepherd. She knew that her dad had a previous daughter, one that he didn't have a strong relationship with, but she didn't expect for the woman who she brags to about her dad, to actually be her sister, to be the one he hurt

"Meredith!" Bailey yelled again when she realized that Meredith made no attempt to move. Lexie watched as her newfound half sister ran through the crowd and started calling out orders

"Oh my god…it is you" Lexie said to herself quietly, luckily, no one heard her. The trauma was soon under control and every patient survived. Meredith was doing a vitals check on one of her patients. Lexie was standing by the window…watching her. Soon Meredith finished with the check up and left the room. As she walked out, she didn't notice that Lexie was standing there and that she started to follow her just as she began to walk away.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Lexie called out, causing Meredith to stop, close her eyes, take a deep breath, and turn around

"Yes Dr…Grey" Meredith answered. Lexie didn't miss how Meredith choked out 'Grey', how she closed her eyes as if she was trying to hold her lunch down. She gathered that Meredith was probably hurt by her presence. The new interns arrive a few days ago, so they didn't really know anyone, and Lexie didn't know that Meredith knew about her, she didn't know the first thing about Meredith, but she could tell that she was probably a strong person

"I don't know what to say…about what happened earlier" Lexie said, feeling the tension between her and her sister

"Lexie, there is nothing to say" Meredith said, trying to end the conversation before it even starts…she just wants to leave, to get away from Lexie, to get away from her past

"Why didn't you tell me who you were?" Lexie asked

"Do we really have to talk about this now?" Meredith asked. She was on the verge of crying, she needed to get away from Lexie before she did

"I would like to. I want to get to know you, but in order to do that, I need to know why" Lexie pressed. They stood in silence for a while as Meredith searched for the right words

"Because I didn't want to hurt you" Meredith finally said, watching Lexie's eyes grow wider

"The way you talked about him, about how he treated you, it was so different from the way he treated me. You had the perfect childhood, with the perfect parents, I didn't want to ruin it for you by saying that the man you look up to is the man I despise" Meredith choked out. Tears were now starting to pool in her eyes, she couldn't take it anymore. All of the emotions she felt since she was 5 were coming back to haunt her

Another awkward silence filled the corridor in which they stood. The silence was soon broken by a sound of footsteps nearing them. Derek rounded the corner behind Meredith. He saw them standing there, but couldn't see Meredith's face. He walked up and stood behind Meredith.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd" Derek said professionally, giving Lexie a little head nod

"Dr." Lexie answered. It was a little embarrassing that she didn't even know his name yet. Lexie just looked at him, they way he stood near Meredith, she had to admit to herself that she actually might have a crush on him. She wondered why he was here, why he stood so quietly to the side, but she also noticed that Meredith didn't even acknowledge his presence

She eventually looked back at Meredith, and again, Meredith looked like she's seen a ghost. Derek simply stood and waited, not wanting to rush Meredith as it looked as she was processing the whole 'Lexie knows' thing

He acted professionally towards her since Lexie was there, but then he saw that Lexie was staring at Meredith, and Meredith didn't seem to notice…or move, even though she hated when people looked at her the way Lexie was. That normally means the either she fell asleep standing up, or she's freaking out. He had to know if she was ok, and if she wasn't, he had to be there for her, professionally or not

Derek then moved closer to Lexie so he could get a better view of Meredith. When he saw Meredith's face, he knew she was hanging on by a thread

"Meredith?" Derek asked, getting Lexie to look over at him, but no response from Meredith

"Meredith!" he said again, getting Meredith to simply look up at him, the tears in her eyes were threatening to spill. Lexie watched as Derek tried to reach up and caress Meredith's cheek, but Meredith pushed him away

"Meredith, please don't push me away, tell me what's wrong" Derek said in attempt to get her to talk. He saw Meredith start to shake. He tried to pull her closer to him so he could comfort her, but she gave up and broke down

"No Derek, don't, don't, don't!" She snapped as she ran to the nearest empty on-call room. Derek didn't know what to do. He looked over at Lexie and saw the shocked look on her face

"Just give her some time. This really is a lot for her" and without waiting for a response, he turned and ran after his wife. Lexie didn't have a clue as to what was going on. She also didn't know that Meredith and Derek were married, so she didn't know why Derek cared so much

He found Meredith almost immediately and ran to her side. Meredith was sitting on the bed, shaking and hyperventilating. Derek quickly ran out of the room, passed Lexie and ran into the supply closet a few doors down. He quickly found a paper bag and ran back to Meredith.

Lexie didn't move for the next few seconds, but soon she was right up by the door, clearly hearing everything that Meredith and Derek were saying.

"Here Mer" Derek said. He put the bag against Meredith's mouth in order to get her to breathe into it and calm down. Meredith slowly put her hand on Derek's and began to breathe into the bag. She laid her head down on his shoulder and continued to breathe as Derek soothed her

"Shh baby, it's ok, everything will be ok" Derek whispered. Yet on the other side of the door, Lexie didn't know what was going on. She wasn't sure what Meredith's relationship to Derek was but she could see that he cared.

"Der?" Meredith asked as her breathing finally calmed down

"Yea baby?" Derek answered as he rubbed soothing circles on her back

"I don't want to hurt her" Meredith said quietly, sinking further into his warm embrace

"Hurt who Mer?" Derek said. He wanted to be sure that they were still talking about the same person.

"Lexie" Meredith answered. Lexie was still listening by the door. She wasn't expecting to hear what she heard. She though Meredith really was mad at her, she didn't know that Meredith just didn't want to hurt her with all of the bad things that Thatcher has done.

"Derek, he was perfect to her, I was his practice child. He left me when I was 5 and slammed a door on me 25 years later. That doesn't exactly say 'Daddy of the Year' to me" Meredith cried.

Lexie was taken back. She knew that someone came to their house a little while back, someone who Thatcher never wanted to talk about…now she knew who. She felt like crying right along with Meredith. She felt like she brought back all of Meredith's bad memories, but she really wanted to know her sister, she wanted to make it up to her.

"Mer, honey, I know it's no of my business, but why don't you talk to Lexie, and tell her exactly what your telling me" Derek suggested. He was expecting her to yell at him and put up a fight…and surprisingly, so was Lexie.

"Your right, Der" Meredith responded

"I am?" Derek asked…shocked that she agreed with him so quickly

"Yes, you are. I just don't think I'm ready yet. I mean I couldn't say my own last name without cringing, I froze like a rabbit, and I pushed my husband way when he was trying to help me, again. I'm just scared that I'll do that again" She was now at a good sobbing point, memories of her embarrassment in front of Lexie stuck in her head.

"Because that's what you do, Mer. When you get scared, you freeze and then you run. You do exactly what your dad did, but the only difference…you come back. That's makes you strong, that's makes you who you are. You have been through things that most of us don't even know are possible, but somehow you are the one keeping all of us up. What Thatcher did might have been bad, but it made you so strong, Mer, it really did" Derek said as he looked deep into her eyes, and she looked back into his.

Lexie couldn't believe what she was hearing. She kept rubbing it in Meredith's face, not knowing who she was talking to. But Meredith didn't say anything because she didn't want to worry her, she was trying to hold her up, not break her down. But now Lexie knew everything, it might have been wrong to eavesdrop, but now the worst was out, things would only get better.

"Thank you, Der. You always know what to say. I love you, Derek" Meredith said as she kissed him tenderly

"Your very welcome, Mer. I love you so much. Now we have some free time, lets try and get some sleep" Derek said as he laid back in the bed.

"Sleep, Derek? Seriously?" Meredith laughed as she straddled his hips

"I think I have a better idea" she added

"Well you know I always love a detour" Derek answered as Meredith rolled her eyes at his cheesy comment. On the other side of the door, Lexie realized that she's heard what she wanted to hear…and now she can leave…

**Please let me know what you think! Reviews are love! **


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